"Doing Hard Things Scared"

Well the summer is over and we've almost made it to September. For nearly a year we've been planning for this point: when we would have completed all of the foster license requirements, received an approval, and our home would be ready for the little ones God has planned for us. We aren't quite there yet, though. The application review process with the state takes 30-50 business days and we are officially 42 days in. I got antsy a couple weeks ago and emailed our licensing specialist who reassured me that our license is moving through as expected and that we should expect our approval in early September. So we're finally narrowing in on a pretty specific time frame!

Honestly, I never imagined how long it would take to get here. We barely missed taking the classes last October and then the February class was cancelled so we started in April instead. There was a lot more paperwork, interviews, and requirements than I expected. The road has been long but if one thing has been cemented in our minds it is that God has closed the wrong doors and opened the right ones to bring us to this point. He's the one who has been guiding us and we couldn't have done anything to speed up the process or change it. The exciting thing is that this perfect timing is leading us right to the kids that are meant to join our family, the exact ones we have been praying that we would be prepared to parent.

Leading up to the approval call, and the potentially soon-to-follow kids call, I am continually conflicted:

::I am so ready to love on these kids, but my heart breaks thinking of what they are enduring even right this moment.

::I think through all the things we've learned about how to care for hurting kids, and worry about allll the things we have yet to learn.

::I can't wait to get to know these little ones, but wish all kids could grow up loved and cared for by their own families.

::It's so easy to imagine all the fun things we can plan for the kids, but I know this is going to be the toughest thing we have ever done.

I am confident that God has called us to this place and He will provide the strength, wisdom, courage, patience, and love that I lack. I know we can't do this, but He can and I can't wait to see how He continues to change our hearts in this journey. I become more confident daily that God changes us through the hard things and He never meant for life to be easy or comfortable. He has radically blessed us and I can't wait to share those blessings with these little ones and their families.

~ Buckwheat