Forever Family

We have so much to be thankful for during this season of reflection and celebration, this year even more than ever before! We have some special news to share, but first here's the short version of what's been going on since our last post! Our foster license was submitted to the state on July 1st and it took two and a half looonnnggg months for it to be approved. On September 14th we finally got the call that we were officially licensed foster parents!!!! *insert excited emojis here* But we didn't have long to soak it in because ten minutes later we got a call about a placement! *insert excited and nervous emojis here* The social worker didn't know the little girl's name but she was three years old and needed a forever family.  *insert allllll the emojis here* Two days later we were able to meet this sweet little girl; that was exactly one year to the day that we changed our minds from pursuing adoption and decided to become foster parents.

It is overwhelming to think of how God has answered our prayers in a way we could have never imagined. Last year when all of the adoption doors kept closing we were so frustrated that our plans weren't working. Then the foster classes we had waited months for were cancelled. Our license had to be resubmitted this summer and took much longer than we had planned. We wanted to do this good thing but it felt like it was never going to happen. Through it all, we kept trusting that God was going to work everything out at the exact time that we needed to meet the child He had for our family. We had no idea that it would be an immediate match, but that is exactly what He has done.

That first night we met her, she brought us her toys, showed us her "stinky" feet, sat in our laps while we read to her, and smiled so big her eyes squished closed. A week later, little E came to our house for an afternoon and we had a great time together!

After that we kept her for a whole week while her foster parents were out of town. What a week of learning that was for us! We went from having never kept a child overnight to doing bath time, bedtime, daycare, meals, rewards, and consequences for a three year old! The week went very well and we had a lot of fun together. She went back to her foster family for four nights until they were evacuated due to Hurricane Matthew. We were able to pick her up on October 10th and she officially transitioned to us permanently that day! It feels like we've known sweet E so much longer than almost three months. We've learned so much about her and there's so much more to learn!

That is not to say that foster care is easy. It has been a difficult road so far--we knew it would be tough jumping in without any parenting experience. And it has been! It's amazing how many things there are to learn about raising kids that parents have to learn along the way. Starting with a three year old is easier in some ways and then in other ways it feels like this poor girl our little guinea pig. But parenting a three year old is the easiest part some days. Working with DSS and figuring out "the system" is so very draining. It feels like we've been fighting to keep our heads above water ever since our license was approved.

Captain Flint and E's first time meeting! They have become buddies!

The truth is, there are literally so many emotions swirling in us that it is hard to even make sense of it all, much less put things into words.  In the last month we have become parents to a [sometimes quite stubborn] toddler who has been through things we cannot even imagine. We have to help her work through the emotions of the trauma, loss, and transition she has experienced all while dealing with normal three year old stuff too. Making decisions for a child who has been so very brave is scary and we question ourselves constantly. We've made so many mistakes and sometimes it feels like we haven't done a single thing right. Except potty training, we've had some pretty decent success there! We've spent more time sitting on the edge of the bathtub in the last month coaxing and encouraging, making up silly songs and rhymes, and making more obnoxious, inappropriate noises than I ever thought possible. And our water bill is sure to soar through the roof after all the hours that poor faucet has trickled into the sink. But we've made some great progress!

So yes, there are very hard things involved in parenting and foster parenting. But there are also a lot of really fun things! You haven't lived until you've watched your husband remix Shania Twain on the fly, singing about poop and dancing around the bathroom. Introducing your little girl to songs with a beat and watching her lips poke out and head start bobbing will brighten every single day. Reading bedtime stories and tucking in a sleepy little snuggler is so sweet. Seeing the progress she has made in areas she struggles with over two months of having your undivided attention and focus is so very rewarding! Watching as your family and friends welcome this little girl with overwhelming unconditional love is absolutely touching and sobering. And hearing this precious child exclaim "that's my Mommy and Daddy!!" as she smiles as wide as her little cheeks can handle will just make your heart melt right out of your chest. We are so, so blessed.

You might wonder why we haven't posted this exciting news sooner? Part of the answer is that our lives went from relatively busy and mildly stressful to insanely busy and stressful pretty quickly so we haven't had much time to process all that has happened, much less sit down and write it all out! But a big reason we haven't broadcast this news is simple: fear. Even in the best moments there is always a seed of doubt in the back of our minds. She's not ours. They can take her away from us. It's not official yet. Much like new parents who are overwhelmed with joy over that positive pregnancy test may wait a little while to share their amazing, incredible, awesome news, we have waited because the future is uncertain. Yes, we have agreed to be E's forever home. Yes, we are officially her foster parents and have been designated her long-term placement. Yes, we are fighting for her each day and making decisions that will shape her life. Yes, we love her and want nothing more than to be her Daddy and Mommy always and forever. But the legal pieces aren't in place yet and so the little seed of doubt remains. We are confident that she is our daughter and will never leave us, and we hope that at some point in 2017 our family status will be finalized in court. Our heads know that this is the direction we are moving but our hearts are just so wrapped up in the emotions of all that has gone on that it's hard to let ourselves fully trust what we know to be true.

Even with that fear in the back of our minds, we are just so thankful for this sweet little blessing that we can't hold back any longer! We are so excited that E has joined our family and we look forward to all that is ahead like spending Christmas together and seeing her continue to grow, learn, and reach her full potential! She's amazingly smart, so sweet, always keeps us laughing, and can definitely stand up for herself. We are so thankful that God has chosen us to be her parents!

Love,
Stephen, Kristin and E