The Not So Good Humor Man

In one of Kristin’s recent blogs about one of the true evils of the world she neglected to mention something else abhorrent which warm weather brings.  Super sketch ice cream trucks!  Yep, Kristin is petrified.  Those of you who follow her on instagram may have already been aware of this fact.

As the days grown sunny and warm and children venture out to play, so does the ice cream man.  With naught but a predatory background and some stickers on a county auction ambulance anyone can troll the streets looking for naive children.

Growing up, there would be an occasional ice cream truck that came through the neighborhood, but they weren’t tempting enough to get us.  We knew where the good stuff came from.  The only legit ice cream salesman around was the Schwan’s dude.  He wore a uniform, came right to the front door, and asked for our mom.  And she caved every time.  We stayed well stocked on gallon jugs of chocolate marshmallow ice cream and bulk packs of delicious sundae cones. 

Reputable Ice Cream Salesman

Delicious Sundae Cone

But I digress.  The premise of this expository article is that, for someone who claims to have never watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Kristin has an unnatural aversion to ice cream trucks.  She didn’t grow up on this creepy scene, and still runs and hides at the sound of ice cream music.

Every time we start to hear the twinkle of ice cream truck music Kristin takes off running.  I can usually find her hiding under the bed clinging to Flint and whispering to him about how it isn’t safe out there and mommy is gonna call the police on that guy (which by the way she totally would do. Another story perhaps).  She’s probably got the right idea though.  In all of my extensive pre blog research I discovered a plethora of disturbing news stories related to ice cream trucks and a few traumatizing videos.

This was a fairly recent local story.  

While a horribly sad story, I don't understand how people didn't see this one coming.  An ice cream truck franchise called Mr. Ding a Ling...SERIOUSLY!  What did you expect? 

Even this popular nationally televised commercial from my youth should raise some red flags. Please tell me if this video doesn’t conjure images of the pied piper luring all of the children off to a grisly demise.  Seriously where are the parents in this video?  Does he just give this stuff away or do 7 year olds in that town have their own money with which to purchase ice cream.

Yes ice cream is delicious, and who wouldn’t want it delivered to their door, but there are safer ways to obtain such goals.  Kristin absolutely hates ice cream trucks and maybe you should too.

p.s. hide yo kids hide yo wife (unrelated Antoine Dodson reference)